This episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was a bit disappointing, to say the least. Is it sad that it’s disappointing when there’s not enough smack talk or finger-pointing between these middle aged hot messes? Obviously the scenes for next week show a much juicier confrontation about who actually owns what they say they own- restaurants or hotels or whatever they claim is theirs.
The episode opens up with crazy lemons Yolanda, as I like to call her, preparing a powow at her house for the ladies. This get-together features none other than Yolanda’s good friend SUZANNE SOMERS. Yes, THAT Suzanne Somers, the thigh master herself! Yolanda and Lisa both claim they’ve never seen Three’s Company, though I find that hard to believe. I guess they didn’t have amazing sitcoms in Sweden and Britain like we do in the states. Kyle shamelessly admits how much she loved the show and even called her Chrissy Snow. It’s beyond obvious that Suzanne Somers has become quite the looney tune with her philosophy of 40 supplements a day and living until age 105. Queue in inappropriate innuendo from Lisa, and it was an entertaining segment. Good luck to you all- eat lemons and prosper, as Yolanda would say.
Brandis over at a dance studio with a “friend” that just happens to own it. She is preparing for a woman empowerment series that she was invited to host in Las Vegas — a strip dance lesson. Only, she doesn’t actually know anything about stripping, hence learning from her strip dance-studio owning friend. She whips herself around, and I must say she was no amateur. Now she is ready to invite the girls to Vegas!
Meanwhile, we cut over to Kyle’s daughter’s sixth grade graduation. There really is nothing to say about this scene other than Kyle’s sisters show up to nothing… (I’m looking at you, Kim Richards and Kathy Hilton!) and Mauricio’s parents are adorable. It seems like they adopted their daughter-in-law, and that’s cute. It looked like a fun party, but Beverly Hills fashion for a sixth grade graduation seems like too much.
Just when you feel all warm inside, they cut to Kim who is at home packing up photos of her children. They show her in front of the backdrop commenting on her daughter looking like her, and next thing you know she starts talking about plastic surgery. That’s where my mind goes when people say “You look just like your mother!” Sike. What an insult! The newly rehabbed Kim goes on a crazy tangent about begging the surgeon for eyes, a face lift and other things before he negotiates her down to a nose job. She blabbers this whole story and it becomes uncomfortable. Then the scene ends.
We mext see yet another batty scene featuring Yolanda, who might just be a gourmet chef. Sure, her food is so beautiful and aesthetically pleasing, but her attitude to go with the meal is not. Her philosophy is to not spend more than eight days apart from her husband, and she seems to judge anyone who does. She also thinks to keep a man happy is to cook and well, you know… with him. She voices that she wants to last longer than his past two marriages. We won’t get started on her grammy-winning husband or how distraught she is over her friend’s divorce. You might know them, Heidi and Seal?
After a yawn of a dinner where Brandi calls herself a “fighter” and discusses being tired of said fighting, they verbally murder LeAnn Rhymes and giggle to themselves. Post meal, Yolanda meets up with them after she just HAD to spend that day with her husband or else he might start barking up someone else’s tree in those 24 hours. She orders a green juice which looks like its made out of everything your mom forced you to eat as a child. In her interview off camera from the others, she criticizes the women for eating bacon and tells the audience that the green is keeping her young. I think she’s a witch, with a Land Rover for a broom.
Up next week: actual DRAMA! I can’t wait for Camille to call Lisa out on not owning SUR — the lounge that is the subject of her spin-off Vanderpump Rules. That show is awful, but such a guilty pleasure. Maybe someone’s jealous? Camille may have wanted an “I was married to Kelsey Grammar” spin-off!